The Virtual Value of Dowry and Genuine Literacy of Life

Image - Sailing on the Craft of Life

After celebrating the April Fool’s Day, 32nd March or 1st April, 2017, it was time to settle down in the breeze of daily sailing.

The Dowry, a nakedly self incriminating tradition, is as vibrant in the 21st Century world as it was centuries back. The tradition seems to have sprouted out of sensible and practical mutual arrangements to nurture  the blessed harmonious union between the Masculine and the Feminine temperaments of Life. However the Boat of Life with upright sales seems to have wandered in undesirable directions and headed into the storm of Life.

Grabbing the Bull by its Horn, it behooves to address the disorientation called Dowry that has inflicted the consciousness of humanity worldwide.

By conveniently disbursing a social and moral issue as worldwide, does not decrease its intensity and absolve us at the local and individual level.  

Since I was born in the city of Nagpur, at the dead centre of Bharat ( India ) symbolic of its social consciousness, I am the living witness of the social phenomenon called Dowry over the past 84 years since my inception. Therefore I have chosen to express about what I have witnessed first hand.

In the hustle and bustle of Life, It behoves us to pause and look critically at ourselves and our social environment that affects us, one and all, negatively irrespective of our sex, religion, caste, creed or skin color.  in the veins of each one of us, freely flows the identical red colored blood and the bloody God called the Energy of Life…..

The physical union of the Masculine and Feminine under a socially approved banner called marriage serves as a medium for mutual fusion of the Masculine with the Feminine in which to experience the ecstasy of life. However, that is only one small and limited aspect of life. Life serves as a medium for multi dimensional experiences through which to evolve and fulfill life’s own desire to fulfill itself.

In the above perspective, the union called marriage does not demand the insane sacrifices rendered or tendered by the Feminine as well as the Masculine. The Masculine and the Feminine are opposite sides of the same coin.

The father of a young bride-to-be helplessly agrees to a dowery of beggary demanded by the groom’s side as a price for the masculinity. The girl’s father agrees to it because his baby girl lacks the courage to turn down a prospective groom that is a beggar by inherited traits. The deal is an irreparable loss of priceless self pride to swallow for the new bride-to-be. However the whole drama or Tap Dance of a wedding is dolled up by the silver and brocade adored by the bride while masking the dowry that a poor father could ill afford; turning himself into the jaws of loan sharks that hound him constantly after the song-N-dance of the wedding. In all this ritual, the bloated Masculine Ego revels and reveals itself. The natural humbleness of the Feminine instinct generally becomes a sacrificial lamb.

The architecture of a harmonious and self fulfilling union of the Feminine and the Masculine can only integrate and stand on the foundation of mutual respect. In one sense, it is symbolised in the self enriching consciousness of Ardhanari Nateshwar. The following image is an artist’s rendering of Ardhanari Nateshwar:

The concept of Ardhanari Nateshwar is certainly not about becoming a Hindu. Religious conversion under any pretext is not a natural process of emotional integration.

It takes vibrant courage and individual specific initiatives to break out of age old self-incriminating social and religious traditions such as the Dowry system in a wedding.

Following is a biography of courageous wisdom:

Our maternal Grandmother whom we fondly addressed as Mothi Aii ( मोठी आई ) , did not go through any formal schooling during her young age up to 14 during the period of 1880 to 1900 for two simple reasons. There was no school for girls and even if there was one, it would have been unaffordable for her family. Her father was employed as a Signalman at the local Railway Station. The job entailed waving the Green flag for incoming trains and also waving the Green flag for each train departing from the station. Unfortunately, he died at an early age while rearing a family of four children; three boys and one daughter ( Ganpat, Shankar, Bhiku and Lakshman ). The three brothers fondly addressed their only sister as Bhiku.

As a result of the siblings having lost their father at their tender ages, their Mother supported the family by working as a cook for the neighborhood kitchens, which consumed long hours during all seven days of every week. In spite of that hardship, she cooked lovingly for her six children. The genuine “ Literacy of Lif “ for the six siblings was the fountain of mutual loving bond. In the absence of their Mother during day time, the siblings stayed within the confines of their own home following their Mother's strict but loving instructions. In the absence of superfluous toys and even a radio at home, the siblings developed a sense of togetherness and bonding with Life.  

Eventually, Bhiku the girl amongst the four siblings got married at the age of 15 through the traditional arranged marriage system.

Attracted by her overall energetic demeanor complemented with fair skinned oxygenated looks, a young medical student studying at Lahore Medical College married her while his widowed Mother was living with him. The significant point of the union was that no Dowery transaction occurred for their marriage due to their mutual respect for each other. As a consequence innocently, a favorable healthy  tradition of “ No Dowery “ had ancored roots within their mutual consciousness.

After graduation from the Medical College, the young physician, Dr. P. G. Nakhare, was selected and appointed to work as Medical Officer at Ujjain for the Govt. of MadhyaPradesh. During that posting, their first and only daughter was born in Ujjain in 1907. They named her as Rama ( जो मनमे सदा रमण करती है, वो रमा ), but fondly addressed her as Mani ( मनी / मनू ). Mani also did not go through any formal schooling because there was no school for girls wherever her father was posted for his work. As a result, her genuine Literacy of Life was promoted at home. Her father was well educated in Sanskrit and the wisdom of ages encapsulated in it, which was experienced by his ancestors.  

Subsequently Mani got married at the age of 16 while her father was posted in Hoshangabad, MP. She reared her own family of five children during her stay in far off Jagdalpur, Bastar, MP where her husband Madhusudan Narayan Deo was employed as the Headmaster of Grigson High School, the only boy’s school in the entire state of Bastar during the era of British Raj in India.

During the above period, her father had retired as a Civil Surgeon from his life long career and settled in the capital city of Nagpur, which had adequate facilities of schools through all grades and up to the University levels. As a result, progressively all of Mani’s five children went to Nagpur for schooling under the guardianship of their Grandparents who welcomed them wholeheartedly.

As each Grandchild graduated from the University of Nagpur, they engaged in their respective professions. When the first two Grandsons got married with the independent choices of their own spouse, the maternal Grandmother made sure that there was no mutual demand and exchange of any Dowry transaction.

The marriage of her only Granddaughter, Sarojini Deo, was arranged through a traditional family arrangement. Here again, Grandmother insisted emphatically but politely that there would be no Dowry transaction; topping it all with an affirmation that everything possible would be done willingly within the limits of financial affordability. Addressing this specific audience as chief spokesman for the entire family, she talked about Sarojini with the aura of a proud Peacock stating that “ Sarojini IS a gentle and sensitive girl, a Graduate with Master's degree of Economics, a Bachelor's degree of Science, a distinguished athlete who captained the All India Women's Kho-Kho and Hutu-tu team during the 1951 Asian Games held in Colombo, Ceylon, and currently employed as an Instructor in the Cottage Industries Department in Nagpur “. That was a mouthful for disarming any listener even thinking of a Dowry in marriage.

The self-sustaining tradition of “ No Dowry transaction in marriage “  initiated by our maternal Grandparents,  मोठी आई and भैय्या,  within our family with the mutual cooperation of all spouses involved has continued silently in consciousness of the following generations.

Mothi Aii ( मोठी आई ) receiving an affectionate kiss from her Great Grandson, Deepak Deo ( 4 ) in 1974 at Nagpur.

Naturally, this composition is dedicated to the self-enriching memory of our maternal Grandmother, मोठी आई, the gracious lady with the genuine “ Literacy of Life “. She had the courage and wisdom to change herself against all audible odds, and in the process induce others transform themselves consistent with the “ Genuine Literacy of Life “ .

Our Grandmother - मोठी आई  was the bedrock of common sense, undaunting courage, fortitude, and functional wisdom rolled up into the Genuine Literacy of Life.  

I have coined the term “ The Genuine Literacy of Life / जीवन की वास्तविक साक्षरता / जीवनाची खऱ्या अर्थाने साक्षरता  “ to share the above point of view in various aspects of my writings.

Though the integrated holistic conscious awareness of our maternal Grandparents, we five siblings were the beneficiaries of a 5-day visit to the Ashram of Sri Ramana Maharshi at Tiruvannamalai during the summer vacation of 1940. I was 8 at that time and have crystal clear memories of that visit to this day in experiencing the personal presence of Sri Ramana Maharshi who was observing Mauna Vrat - मौन व्रत at that time. The pleasant demeanor of his silent presence sitting barechested and wrapped merely in small loin cloth-लंगोटी on a mortared brick platform basking in rays of the morning sun is fixed permanently in our conscious awareness.

Sri Ramana Maharshi

Our Grandfather’s personal interactions with Sri Ramana Maharshi over a period of time resulted in his penning down Ramana Maharshi's innate wisdom communicating the all inclusive universal wisdom and the art of self inquiry.   

In the genealogy of Life, Sri Ramana Maharshi wrested his body around 1949, our Grandfather in 1952 and our Grandmother during the late 1970’s. The birth of a person is immensely more important because it provides us the opportunity to experience their personal presence and their respective message of Life.

Exactly sixty years after our visit with Sri Ramana Maharshi in his Tiruvannamalai Ashram in 1940, I read the handwritten notes penned down by our Grandfather in a simple school notebook while sitting in our airy balcony at Pune. It was the year 2000 and my wife Usha and me had just moved in to celebrate our new retirement abode in Pune. It seemed that the varied experiences of life over the past sixty years had helped me better soak up the core message of Sri Raman Maharshi. It drove and prompted me to publish our Grandfather’s notes in my trilingual ( Hindi, Marathi and English ) book titled  “ Seamless Generations / अखंड परंपरा “ .

The core message of Life permeating through the silent presence and the writings of Sri Ramana Maharshi and enabled through the medium of my maternal Grandparents has become the bedrock of my personal awareness that reflects effortlessly through my writings, which is my Tap Dancing on the keyboard of my desktop computer. My Tap Dancing is my gesture of deep gratitude towards all three of them including मोठीआई-Mothi Aii, भैय्या-Bhaiya and सद्गुरू Sri Ramana Maharshi. The word सद्गुरू implies the silent blessings channeling our energies to ultimately experience the unchangeable and undefinable Truth resident within ourselves.

The golden threads of Wisdom :

The golden threads of Wisdom woven discretely through the fabric of our individual past, of being and becoming, seem to become more perceptible as the vision of our Third Eye gradually clears up. In it we blossom with eternal gratitude. The Creator and its Creation condense together as pure Consciousness.

Life’s innate desire to fulfill itself :

As I have travelled in the vehicle driven by the fuel and spirit of Life for 84 years so far, I have been constantly peering at the Rear View Mirror and realising that my Masculine paternal instinct has been an Ego driven trip, whereas the Feminine maternal instinct has been a gentle yet firmly engaging trip; urgently prompting “ The Constant Balancing Act “ of the Masculine and the Feminine tendencies for optimising and enabling Life to fulfill its own innate mission.

A Peacock dances to the tune of vibrant Nature.